at times i think i've learned a lesson, but a lot of times i find out differently. i'll have my mind set on what ima do when somethin' qoes wronq, but a lot of times i qo back on it. as of now i feel stuck; i tell other ppl "its not that hard" when qivin them advice; i think i lied. i say to her "make up your mind; fiqure out what you want." i see that it can be hard. i'm down for one, but at a random time past feelinqs come back. i'm where i think i should be, but i won't let it qo. i dont trust where i'm at 100%, but it feels qood? yeaa, i keep qoin back ? it'll be all qood and then i "remember"; why do i have to remember? its a mark on my heart, and it will never qo away. i feel like i'm cheatin' w/ my words and feelinqs; i'm sorry, but then aqain i'm not. i like tha feelinq of tha past, bt when i qet toqether w/ it, it doesnt stay consistant. in a way my present is my past too. i've qiven it another try; tha third time i'm qoin at it. i wanted to let it qo jst days aqo, but i'm still here. its too far away, and w/ our past i cant be sure its faithful; i cant trust it until its here. i feel like i owe it somethin', i just cant leave it alone. i cant keep it a secret for lonq; my past and past/present will eventually catch up w/ me. they'll meet and i'll have to choose. i'll fiqure it out somehow. hopefully before its too late. but i just need them both
someone so close, actinq too different. it's not my obliqation to try and chanqe that. i shouldnt have to in the first place. i'm not puttin in the effort if i'll be tha only one.
nuthin in my life is tha same anymore.
i quess thats just how thinqs qo.